He smiles down at Era, relaxing himself. "It's not a contest. You can do things for her that I can't. The same goes in reverse. If she didn't need you, you wouldn't be here."
"It wasn't meant as a contest, but merely a statement of fact. I am her. I am privy to every detail of her life. You telling me what she's like is a waste of breath."
It's exceptionally hard to read Esteem, enough so that it makes Ardbert feel off his game. He had thought they had meant it as a rival, not as merely a statement of fact. Is Esteem out for another reason besides just to threaten and poke at him? Gods, he's not used to roundabout conversations. Not to mention, reading Esteem is impossible, and it reminds him of an uncomfortable truth that sometimes, he gets things wrong about people.
The last time he had completely misread someone, most of his world had been erased in the Flood.
Ardbert keeps his eyes on Era, finding solid ground in her slumbering face, although he's clearly starting to feel uneasy. Esteem is picking at his words and throwing them back at him, and Ardbert's quickly realizing he's completely unused to adversarial conversations anymore. In fact, he's fairly certain this is the first proper one he's had in over a hundred years.
"That's not what I...." Ardbert cuts himself off with a sigh, realizing Esteem won't care that he was stating something they both knew in an attempt to find common ground. "Nevermind."
His sigh causes Era to shift in her sleep, snaking an arm lazily over him and murmuring something unintelligible against his skin. Esteem remains silent until they're certain Era has fallen back into a deeper sleep.
"You're upset."
While they don't particularly care about his feelings, an upset Ardbert makes for an upset Era, which is something that matters to Esteem.
He's unhappy, but less unhappy than he was a moment earlier with Era holding him closer.
... It confuses him that Esteem isn't prodding that fact or mocking him, and the corner of his mouth quirks up in dark humor. "No, uncomfortable. I'm out of practice with arguing and roundabout conversations. You can run circles around me and turn my words this way and that, and I have no bloody defense against you. I couldn't speak to anyone in over a hundred years, and then I could speak with Era."
Era is straightforward if anything, and they are of the same mind so often that arguing is almost impossible.
"As if you ever had any skill with it, even before things all went to shite." A snort. A pause. "Not that you had any need. That was what the others were for."
He nods, blinking a few times rapidly as he looks down at Era. "Me, a married man. They'll have a good laugh at that."
Ardbert grows quiet. He pretends that he's been okay with his friends being dead. It was easier when he was dead. But now he's alive, and they're... not. Peki is here, and Seto isn't. It's nothing he'll hold against anyone.
Yet it still hurts. At least he's gotten used to feeling that sadness with a body again. He won't deny it release, but sometimes that release has to happen when he's alone.
"I'm sure one of them would comment on how the only one fool enough to wed you was yourself."
They aren't deaf to the silence, nor is Era's soul blind to the encroaching sadness. Even in slumber it curls around him like a gentle spring breeze; drapes across his shoulders like the most delicate of linens.
Esteem leaves Era to comfort him as only she can, allowing Ardbert relative privacy for a few long minutes.
Ardbert surprised to feel appreciative towards Esteem considering how the rest of the conversation had been going. Esteem's first comment is a jab they would happily give. The second comment is after giving him some time to think privately, and it acknowledges the truth he's been fighting to acknowledge.
He's lived his life without regrets, but there's still voids of empty space where his friends can never be.
"... aye, it does. Especially when you have barely started. I thought I was at peace with them being gone. Turns out it only seemed that way because I hadn't a body to feel the pain."
"The pain will never go away, even should you find peace. It will always be there."
They speak with authority that brokers no argument.
"She had once believed she could one day be free of it, but there is no escaping it. While it will be easier to bear with time and acceptance it will never disappear. The burden of loss will always weigh just as it should."
He closes his eyes, able to see his friends' faces so clearly. Around a table at an inn, laughing. Or on the way to the inn, revving up for a celebration, the sun on their faces and Seto at his side.
"I'm beginning to understand that. I thought it would be that way... and so it is."
There is nothing they can say to that even if they had the desire. Instead they let the silence linger, debating the benefit of remaining summoned now that they've expressed what they intended to. Peki and Hythlodaeus are comfortably napping, as is Era. Ardbert knows where they stand, and is beginning to grieve. There is no need for them to stay.
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In short: they find it irritating.
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The last time he had completely misread someone, most of his world had been erased in the Flood.
Ardbert keeps his eyes on Era, finding solid ground in her slumbering face, although he's clearly starting to feel uneasy. Esteem is picking at his words and throwing them back at him, and Ardbert's quickly realizing he's completely unused to adversarial conversations anymore. In fact, he's fairly certain this is the first proper one he's had in over a hundred years.
"That's not what I...." Ardbert cuts himself off with a sigh, realizing Esteem won't care that he was stating something they both knew in an attempt to find common ground. "Nevermind."
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"You're upset."
While they don't particularly care about his feelings, an upset Ardbert makes for an upset Era, which is something that matters to Esteem.
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... It confuses him that Esteem isn't prodding that fact or mocking him, and the corner of his mouth quirks up in dark humor. "No, uncomfortable. I'm out of practice with arguing and roundabout conversations. You can run circles around me and turn my words this way and that, and I have no bloody defense against you. I couldn't speak to anyone in over a hundred years, and then I could speak with Era."
Era is straightforward if anything, and they are of the same mind so often that arguing is almost impossible.
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... that came out more bitter than he had intended.
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Ardbert grows quiet. He pretends that he's been okay with his friends being dead. It was easier when he was dead. But now he's alive, and they're... not. Peki is here, and Seto isn't. It's nothing he'll hold against anyone.
Yet it still hurts. At least he's gotten used to feeling that sadness with a body again. He won't deny it release, but sometimes that release has to happen when he's alone.
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They aren't deaf to the silence, nor is Era's soul blind to the encroaching sadness. Even in slumber it curls around him like a gentle spring breeze; drapes across his shoulders like the most delicate of linens.
Esteem leaves Era to comfort him as only she can, allowing Ardbert relative privacy for a few long minutes.
"Grief takes time."
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He's lived his life without regrets, but there's still voids of empty space where his friends can never be.
"... aye, it does. Especially when you have barely started. I thought I was at peace with them being gone. Turns out it only seemed that way because I hadn't a body to feel the pain."
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They speak with authority that brokers no argument.
"She had once believed she could one day be free of it, but there is no escaping it. While it will be easier to bear with time and acceptance it will never disappear. The burden of loss will always weigh just as it should."
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"I'm beginning to understand that. I thought it would be that way... and so it is."
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When he can sense that Fray is about ready to leave, he wraps his arms around Era a little tighter. "... thank you."
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